Pop-Corn Chicken and Oprah

So i was vomiting at about 1am this morning when the Oprah Winfrey show came to mind. Funny how those 2 things run hand in hand. Its guaranteed for the next serval months if i need to induce vomiting that all i have to think of is pop-corn chicken and Oprah.

Anyway, Oprah had a show on her dogs the other day and what "she" has done to train them. She has 3 white labs, very beautiful dogs. Each of them living in the lap of luxury more than i could ever dream. This ex-israeli army soldier, after watching the appaling methods the Israeli Army uses to train their dogs, decided to write a canine training book using the "love method." Lots of singing and praise goes into the training, and of course Oprahs dogs were model students. The dogs have no choice, they have seen first hand what happens to Stedman when he disobeys Oprah. So needless to say there are not 3 more pampered spoiled dogs on the planet to put on TV to demonstrate how great this system is. Oprah then introduces her "dog nutritionalist." Dog nutritionalist?? What the hell is that? This nerd begins to explain how dogs are carnavours and in the wild are used to eating raw meat. So the best thing to feed your dog is raw meat. Now i dont know about you, but for years after watching the pit-bull terrier eating raw meat from local mailmen to the soft fleshy underbelly of grandma's bicep, feed a dog raw meat just doesnt seem too smart. Of course Oprah does the next best thing. She shows what she feed her dogs. Cut up cooked Lamb, sliced carrots, steamed brown grain rice! She then mixes it in 3 individual bowls and forces her dogs to sit for a few minutes before dining. Because as Oprah says, her dogs have to have manners before eating... kiss my ass Oprah.

So after more Pop-corn chicken made its way to the top of my throat, i dabbed the sweat on my brow and layed on the cool linolium floor and rested my dizzy head on a rolled up towel. I glanced down and seen young Mitzi laying next to me licking her own ass. She just didnt seem to have much sympathy for my plight, but she tried to hang in there with me. Watching this "carnavour" one word came to mind. LAMB????? When the hell is the last time anyone has seen a dog run down a lamb for christ sake? And although im sure lamb is quite tasty, Mitzi at the moment seemed to be enjoying something that, her mind, was just as tasty. Oprah can take a flying leap... if lamb ever makes its way into my house that bad boy is going down my throat and not Mitzi's.

If only i could lick my own ass.