PIE HOLE!!!!! I yell. I am the alpha male and Mitzi WILL obey. She begins barking again..... PIE HOLE!!!! she quiets down for a few minutes to regain her strength. Defiantly she begins barking yet again..... PIE HOLE!!!!! This time she looks up at me, shakes her head, and yelps in my direction!!! My direction i tell you!! MITZI, PIE HOLE!!!!!!!
Out of a 24 hour span this goes on for approximately 19 hours. Most people tell their dogs to hush or shut up. Or (like my mother) make an un-godly squelching sound from the back of her throat that only fish can understand. I wanted to be unique, different from the norm. So, i chose pie hole as my word for shut up. It seems to work. Or maybe she thinks she is getting ready to be fed a hunk of pie, i dont know, but the fact is the damn term seems to ellicit a positive response. I am looking forward to our first walk together in the park. Beautiful woman approaches with her dog to admire my basset hound, we strike up a conversation and discover we were made to each other, Mitzi barks, i yell PIE HOLE!!!! Woman turns and runs away. However, i must stick to my guns. This is a battle to determine who is smarter. Me or Mitzi, and i am determined to win.
I have a dilema. What other colorful terms should i use to correct bad behavior. Especially for something spotted Mitzi doing over the weekend.
When its potty time, 9 times out of 10, Frankie the rat terrier will follow Mitzi outside. They will play and dig, and dig, and dig. What they dig for i dont know, hopefully they wont hit a water main or sewage flow pipe. Saturday Mitzi did her business as usual, with Frankie looking on. Mitzi then begins to follow Frankie around the yard. Frankie goes to her #2 area. She likes to go under the big tree in the far corner of the yard. Now Frankie being a long legged terrier has an interesting "haunch" when she goes. She hikes her rear end as far in the air as it can reach, all the while tucking her two front legs in between her back legs. It looks similar to Olga Korbet from the '72 munich games during her balance beam rotuine. Very spider like. In this position Frankies "bulls eye" is a good 3 inches above Mitzi's head. Soon the conveyor belt is turned on and "product" begins to move on the assembly line. Right towards Mitzi. Now dont worry. Mitzi, though she like to dig in dirt and chew paper towels, is a lady. The dinner bell doesnt ring if you know what i mean. Instead that famous Basset Hound nose (2nd only to the bloodhound) goes to work. Now i immediatly began clapping and screaming no!! But i need a unique term in case it happens again. A term Mitzi will know is only for that particular instance.
Now i realize i cant use anything with the word "hole" for this. That would just be bad. I cant discourage her from sniffing, thats what she does. The only appropiate term i can think of is...... FSU!!!!!! I think that pretty much says it all. And those of you who are Gator fans will completely get the meaning. I will have to scout the back yard all weekend to and wait to see the deed being done. It might take awhile. Maybe i should get in the trees like the deer hunters do, then as soon as i see it happen, leap from the tree screaming FSU!!!! FSU!!!!! FSU!!!!!! The neighbors will love it
Go Gators
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I have been following this blog very closely perhaps because I have a great affection for the writer and am slowly seeing him deteriorate to the point of needing counsiling! Having witnessed man and "beast" together recently, it is obvious to the beholder that man has no control over beast what so ever! In fact this little creature seems to have taken over all concerned in her surroundings, including the rat terrier Frankie!! I must bring up a certified dog trainer as all seems hopeless other wise!!! "concerned"
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