FREEDOM!!!!!!

I can freely admit without fear of ball numbing torture from my friends and family that i am afraid of the florida cockroach. Mainly because most people have an inherit fear of these little bastards. With me however, my hatred is personal. I am positive the word is out in the roach community about me and my fear. They have have been mobilizing against me for years, this morning i raised my alert status from orange to yellow.

I feel like Gulliver on the island of Lilliput sometimes. As of late they have been sending in paratrooper squads in the wee hours of the morning. Over the last month i have had at least 3 parachute directly on my forehead. Only other thing that can jolt me awake faster is a charlie horse in my calf. I would stand a better chance going against the entire Chinese army that these things. Its not like we are not well armed. The stores are filled with counter roach weaponery. Bombs, little hotels, chemical warfare, grainular stuff you put along the basboards, something called deet. We send in specialy trained people to kill, yet they still come. And there not slowing down.

Several years ago i spotted a big one on the carpet. I picked up my shoe and began to beat him mercilessly for well over a minute. I went into a rage. Like Mel Gibson in "The Patriot" with his little axe hacking away at the British. After my onslaught had subsided, i went into the bathroom to wet my brow with cool water. I decided to go to bed, killing the enemy can be quite tiresome. I left the carcass on the floor to revel in. My plan the next morning was to draw and quarter him via Mel Gibson in "Braveheart" to send a warning to the roach armies. The next morning when i woke... the god damned thing was gone!!!!! I know i killed him. He was smashed beyond recognition. Just like the death and torture of William Wallace had the apposite effect on the scottish as the british had hoped. I belive the same hold true here. I killed there William Wallace. Now they are coming for me to win there freedom.

I swear in the hours after discovering the body of the roach missing, faintly behind the drywall i could hear bag pipes playing. Only Mel Gibson can help me now.