The Basset Log - Part 3

My all time favorite movie is JAWS. The mechanical shark, nick named "Bruce", was a 25 foot goliath. They made 3 of them. A left turning shark, a right turning shark, and the one that can explode out of the water. They used that one in the climatic scene when Quint met his untimely death. I love that scene, shark laying on the back of the boat, its jaws chomping in a non stop frenzy until its teeth find its mark in the soft meaty flesh of Quints tummy.

The sharks teeth were the size of a shot glass... Mitzi's teeth are the size of sewing needles and equally as destructive. Mitzi the loveable Basset Hound has begun to chew. and chew... and chew...and chew. She is a droopy eyed wood chipper. She will knaw on whatever is in her path. Shoes, aluminum foil, any and all paper products, plastics, the cast iron legs of the coffee table, Frankie the rat terriers buttocks, carpet, her own paw, human flesh.... everything. Now, she is young, and she is beginning to teeth, so anyone that has been around a teething baby knows what a nightmare this can be. I am beginning to train her that chewing people is bad. She will chew, i will pull back and give her a harsh "NO!!" she will look up at me with those sad pitiful eyes and yelp right back with a "YEELLP!!" As if she were saying "look jackass!!! you try making it 5 minutes with these teeth and not chew on anything."

Its time to take back control of the house. The only way to do this is to put her to work. She is like a termite, im sure there are plenty of trades out there that could use this fury little chewing machine. Perhaps the fire department can use her to replace the jaws of life. She could rip through the metal of a car in half the time. A post hole digger would be good. If you hold her ears and tip her sideways i would put her up against any chainsaw in the land. She would make a great sewing maching, or landscape mulcher. If she could swim she would make a perfect beaver. Put some bling bling in her grill and stick her in rap videos. We could ground her and make her the ultimate electrician tool. Maybe the military could clone her and send an army of Mitzi replicas to flush out the insurgents in Iraq.

I dont know. But whatever the answer i know one thing..... we're gonna need a bigger boat.