Bucket full of side kicks

I used to pretend i was Elvis. I would tuck my blue robe into my jeans, wet my hair and slick it back into what i thought was a pompadore, stand in front of a full length hallway mirror and lip sync into a hairbrush. After time i would not lip sync but would actually sing the kings classics. Dont be Cruel, Hound Dog, Return to Sender would melt from my vocals smooth and flawlessly... to this day i am positive i sounded just like him. I was only 8 or 9 and Elvis had already gone to that big fried peanut butter and banana sandwhich in the sky.

Theres a natural progression in childhood imitation. What i should have done was make a smooth transition from Elvis to something easy...lets say John Travolta. Now i did love Grease and would sing Greased Lightening, but i never took on the Travolta persona as feverishly as Elvis. Instead i made the impossible leap of imitating Elvis to thinking i was Bruce Lee. Now, the degree of difficult of being Bruce Lee is about a 9. What made it even more difficult was the fact i did not begin my transformation until high school. Bruce Lee was 5' 6", lightening fast, and strong as an ox. I was (at the time) 5'9"-5"10",weighing in at close to 200 lbs. with the cat like reflexes of a dump truck. I was a big boy. I could have made a great stay puff marshmallow man.... i chose the greatest martial arts master of the modern era. I talked my mom into getting me all the gear...kung fu outfit, Nunchaku (my weapon of choice), Replica gloves like Lee used in the opening of Enter the Dragon... everything. In my mind i was a bad ass. My training regieme consisted of me doing the Bruce Lee KIA!!! scream, punching the wall while wearing my gloves and using my lethal 2 foot high sidekick. Only thing i actually got good at was the Nunchakus. So picture this... i was in the band, wore gargolye sunglasses at night like The Terminator, and usually my Kung Fu top. Its no wonder i couldnt get a date for the prom. I would always picture myself walking down the halls of my school and spotting a gang of roughians haseling poor beautiful Lisa Vega, until i rolled up with my bucket full of 2 foot sidekicks and save the day.

As i got older i abandoned the Bruce Lee phase after i found my own voice and path. But occasionally i find myself going the way of the dragon when i pass by a mirror... i will strike the pose of Bruce and throw up what has now become a 1 foot side kick. I should have stuck with Elvis.